Best comfort food: Authentic southern biscuits and gravy
Best reason I can think of: Because I want to
Best book I ever read: I don’t read
Best rock and roll band: Can’t rationalize it down to only one band
Best practical joke: Getting you to come to this blog site
Best guitar players: Eric Clapton and Stevie Ray Vaughan
Best friend: My wife – it’s certainly not me
Best vacation spot: St. Martin
Best beer ever made: Molson Bradeaur
Best sex position: Any position not requiring the use of a condom
Best 4th of July party ever: Dave’s apartment complex, Thousand Oaks, CA 1994
Best Bible verse: I’ve never read the Bible
Best drink on a hot summer day: Ice cold Canadian pilsener
Best way out of a jam: Baffle ‘em with bullshit
Best omelette: Ham and cheese (onion and sausage optional)
Best case scenario: Hopefully
Best joke: Electric cars
Best in show: Any dog not in the toy group
Best actor of all time: Every boss I’ve ever had
Best movie: Night of the Living Dead, the original
Best amusement park: Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio
Best practice: I never practiced and I still sat first chair in band
Best story ever told: The Legend of Zelda
Best president: Ronald Reagan
Best guitar ever made: Fender Stratocaster
Best offer I’ve ever received: The Cobb plea
Best day of my life: The day I met my wife
Best time of my life: The time I married my wife
Best vegetable: Brussels sprouts smothered in a thick cheese sauce
Best motivation: Cattle prod/branding iron
Best talk show host: Johnny Carson
Best kept secret: I actually care about things
Best song ever written: Stairway to Heaven
Best time: 4:20
Best stand up comedian: George Carlin
Best mayonnaise: Hellmann’s – any other brand is crap 
Biggest waste of time: Watching the news
Biggest liar: William Jefferson Clinton
Biggest sham: The Donald Trump presidency
Biggest game of the season: Who cares?
Biggest misconception: Global warming is a man-made problem
Biggest hypocrite: Almost everyone I meet
Biggest complaint: Hypocrisy
Biggest event ever: Presidential inauguration 2009
Biggest cover-up: Area 51
Biggest idiot: George W. Bush
Biggest loser(s): Those who voted for George W. Bush
Biggest ass: See biggest idiot
Biggest breasts: Wendy’s chicken club sandwich
Biggest single reason why: I don’t need one of those
Biggest bureaucracy: Health care in the United States
Biggest inspirational figure: Is no longer Michael Phelps
Biggest joke: Your vote counts
Biggest lie (tie): “I did not have sex with that woman.” / “There are WMD in Iraq.”
Biggest thing to look forward to: The next version of Grand Theft Auto
Biggest mistake: Thinking that I care
Biggest fear: Going to hell if I commit suicide
Biggest dog I know: Cheli, my Bullmastiff
Biggest enemy: Myself
Biggest obstacle: One’s own sense of right and wrong
Worst nighmare: Reality
Worst case scenerio: Your fingers getting shut in a car door just before rolling your last doobie
Worst city on Earth: Tie between East St. Louis, IN and Gary, IN
Worst state in the union: I guess it’s Indiana?
Worst food: Calves liver with a side of goat balls
Worst drink: Your own urine
Worst hobby: Internet porn
Worst thing to do on a Saturday night: Internet porn with a side of goat balls
Worst sports franchise: The Detroit Lions
Worst place to see a movie: A theater
Worst web site: Facebook
Worst day of my life: When I was hit by a car
Worst hangover I’ve ever had: I have never had a hangover
Worst way to break up with your boy or girlfriend: Via email
Worst way to date your boy or girlfriend: Via email
Worst movie sequel: Lake Placid 2
Worst song ever written: Cheeseburger In Paradise
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