North Korea: The Hub of Stupidity

north-korea-sucksI’m sure almost everyone is aware by now North Korea conducted their third nuclear test last Tuesday, provoking even more condemnation from the world community.  This time even China, North Korea’s only major ally, wasn’t happy about this latest round of foolishness from those idiots.  And of course, North Korea is spouting off about further escalation if the United States complains about their test.  But here’s what I don’t get – the world keeps drawing the line in the sand, then North Korea puts their toe over that line, the world backs up a little bit and redraws the line, the toe goes over it again, and the same nonsense continues for eternity.

North Korea keeps using that same toe while the rest of us have to keep drawing new lines as we keep taking a step backward each time.  We know the world is flat, so is this just North Korea trying to push us backward until we fall off the edge?

Is someone going to make this stop?  The world has been placing sanctions on North Korea since before there even was a North Korea and yet they persist in being that little gnat that keeps buzzing around your face.  You know, the one you keep swatting at but can never kill?  We all know that it’s a pretty dumb idea to move to the North Pole just to get away from that gnat.  The North Pole doesn’t have gnats, but it’s pretty cold there and life probably wouldn’t be so rosy.  Kringle’s, the only bar in town, has decent draft specials but their menu isn’t that great.

As much as I dig peace and the concept of world peace, I think it might be time to get that can of pesticide out and douse that irritating little gnat that is North Korea.

These clowns timed their test to coincide with the president’s State of the Union address.  They tend to pull their propaganda stunts in line with some events in this country.  They claim their test was in response to U.S. hostility.  Huh?  Are we flying drones over their cities now?  Are we dropping bombs on them from planes overhead?  How are we any more hostile toward them than any of the other countries in the U.N. who vote to approve the sanctions against them?  Are we making cheap videos of their cities burning with an audio backdrop of We Are the World?

What the hell did we do to these colossal little babies to make them so upset with us?  Did we make them put gum on their nose and stand in the corner in third grade class?  Did we burn their popcorn at the Saturday matinée?  Did we give them an embarrassing wedgie at the prom?  Did we make fun of them because they aren’t able to grow facial hair or the fact that the average length of a North Korean’s penis (man or woman) is 2.015 inches?  Did we chain them to a chair and make them listen to a Wham! and Pet Shop Boys music marathon at high volume?

Now China is upset.  All this time China has treated North Korea like their little handicapped son that has to always wear a hockey helmet.  They hold North Korea’s hand, and when those yahoos start to get out of line China tugs their hand a little bit and jerks them back in line.  It’s just like training a dog to walk on a leash.  But this time, China has really gotten upset by stating they “strongly condemned” the test.

Wow, I’m glad I’m not North Korea right now because China is really, really, really, really pissed off.  Right. Sure they are.


Is someone going to stand up to these mobsters and do something, or will we continue with the status quo with ineffective sanctions and carefully selected words of condemnation until North Korea lobs a warhead at the United States?  I mean, I’m all for trying for diplomatic solutions with nut cases like Iran and North Korea, but at some point it becomes blatantly obvious those devices aren’t going to work.  Letting these clowns continue on their current course is like letting a seven-year-old play with matches inside a fireworks factory.  What more can you do short of sneaking up from behind them and gouging out a big lock of their hair with an electric razor?

Everyone knows North Korea is going to produce the ability to hit us and it’s just a matter of time.  Unlike WMDs being stashed in Iraq, our certainty on this issue is undeniable.  These über idiots are more than stupid enough to be dangerous.  Will someone PLEASE do SOMETHING about North Korea before I have to call the White House one day in the not-so-distant future and say, “I TOLD YOU SO!  I WIN!  I WIN!!“?

Christ, where is a good Navy Seal when you need one?

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