Quotables

einsteinA lot of famous people get credit for the best quotes, but everyday people just like you and me say cool stuff that never makes it onto the big, famous quote lists.  My favorite quote I have ever come up with is, “Life’s most important lessons are usually learned the hard way.”  I came up with that one immediately after learning an important lesson the hard way.  Makes sense, right?

The best quote I have ever been able to translate from my dog was something he said one day to my wife.  I guess Cheli (my dawg) and his friends had been at the house that day, hanging out and draggin’ on the hookah.  Cheli told my wife, “My friends call me Bone Dog.”  Since that very second all of Cheli’s nicknames changed to include his gangsta name.  Now he’s Chel-Chel Bone Dog, Boney, Big Bone, Boney D, Bone-Bone, ChelBone, etc. In the picture in the upper right hand corner of this blog he is referred to as “One Comfy Bone”.

My favorite quote of all time is probably, “Necessity is the mother of invention” by Plato.  That guy really had his act together.  One of my other favorites is,  “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed” by Ernest Hemingway.   But saying something cool and knowing what it is you’re really saying are equally important things.

Let’s take a look!

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde
Scott Stapp, the lead singer of Creed, never heard Mr. Wilde’s quote.  He felt he’d ride Eddie Vedder’s singing style to riches and fame. But don’t worry, he received his due in the end.  How many records are those guys selling these days?

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero
This one’s great because I have one room in my house that is full of books.  Unfortunately, I don’t read books, and I still have my soul intact.  I really eefed my way around that one! Found the loophole, if you will.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”  – Mae West
I think what Mae was telling us, in her own way, was that it’s quite obvious cats haven’t gotten it right.  Ever.  Felines live their lives so incorrectly each of them gets nine of them right off the bat.  By my logic, they should only get one half of a life when they’re born and we’ll see what happens after that.

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”  – Albert Camus
The translation of this quote is painfully easy.  What Big Al is saying here is, “Don’t walk behind me because I have a gas problem.  Don’t walk in front of me because you’re probably going to fart, too.  Just walk beside me and we’ll both piss off whoever’s behind us and we’ll both share in a good laugh.”

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”  – Mark Twain
Sure, Mark, tell that to a habitual liar who suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease.

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”  – Maurice Switzer
No one ever bothered showing this quote to George W. Bush. Or even worse, someone showed it to him but failed to explain what it meant.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”  – Dr. Seuss
Doc Seuss was explaining the difference between man and ape when it comes to using a restroom.

“If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself.”  – Albert Einstein
Thanks for that, Al, but have you ever tried explaining THAT to a six-year-old?

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”  – Bob Marley
Um, Bob?  What are you hitting? C’mon, own up! Now that I think of it, could you imagine how much fun we’d all have if Bob Marley was still alive and went on a world tour with Willie Nelson? That has Pay-Per-View written all over it or at least a visit on the Live with Kelly and Michael Show!

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”  – Terry Pratchett
The first part of this quote refers to a newbie politician who actually believes he can serve the public interest and make a real difference and create real change.  The word “people” refers to lobbying groups who have big dollars, big control and already have a big percentage of politicians in their back pocket.

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”  – Mark Twain
That’s because Mark didn’t have to concentrate on paying off hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans.

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”  – Confucius
This guy was a prophetic genius.  I love web development and computer programming.  I’ve been laid off and out of work for over two months now.  The old man was right!

“Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.”  – Alfred Tennyson
I fell in love with a girl at a bar one night but I couldn’t take her home because I had lost my car keys.  After the girl left the bar with someone else I discovered the bartender had taken my keys because he had over-served me.  I was probably wearing beer goggles anyway I suppose. Whatever.

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is the basis for most beer commercials.

“It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.”  – Marylin Monroe
Kurt Cobaine’s final thought before the big kablooey.

“Everybody is a genius.  But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  – Albert Einstein
This is exactly why so many lumberjacks aren’t good swimmers AND have a poor self concept in general.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote is in reference to Elvis Presley as he sat on the toilet reflecting back on his career and contemplating his death just before actually realizing his death.  I guess if you’re not aware of what was inside of the guy at the time he died, you probably wouldn’t get that joke.

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”  – Helen Keller
That’s all fine and dandy, Helen, assuming your friend can make a plaster cast in the dark to put on the leg you’ve just broken after falling down those unlit stairs!

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” – Socrates
If you know nothing, then how do you know you know nothing, you know?  This theory is either an infinite loop or a contradiction.  Now I just wish I knew what an infinite loop or a contradiction was.  Well, how do I know I don’t know what they are?  Huh?

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Albert Einstein
Einstein said a lot of profound things.  I wonder, based on this quote, if his estate was ever properly compensated for the concept used in the Matrix movies?

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”  – Henry David Thoreau
At times I must ponder why, in some certain instance, some throughout older times sought refuge in the assumption that the Queen’s English should be twisted, say as turned, and used as a tool to distort one’s direct and clear meaning of a given passage.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS AND GOOD STUFF WILL HAPPEN. AT, LIKE, 2:30 IN THE AFTERNOON.  Geez.

But as I poke fun at these quotes I must present one to you that makes complete sense and requires no smart-ass comment from me afterward.  I discovered this on a blog I follow by Lady Gwendolynn.  This quote comes from Jimi Hendrix.  It’s actually a combination of a few variations of the same thing from a few people before him, but Jimi said it best.  He said:

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”

‘Nuff said.

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2 Comments

  1. Tony

     /  January 20, 2013

    “I often stop and wonder if I’m a creature of habit, or am I turning into my parents” just made that up! I find myself repeating quotes, and have been for some time now. You know the ones your elders use to say. My step-dad is great for these, he even knows the origins of many. Which is really kind of cool. I suppose the tricky part is knowing when and which quote to use. Just made that up too. Google quotes and you’ll get thousands of results. Here is a place to start.
    http://www.educationworld.com/a_lesson/TM/WS_back_to_school_quotes.shtml

    Reply
  1. Interesting Quotes on Invention from Movies | Deo Volente

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