A Sunday Morning Spot Of Tea

First and foremost to everyone, Happy April in The D!! 

Is it just me or does Sarah

Palin make Canadians sound like geniuses?  The first thing I always think of when I hear her name mentioned is her running for president with Yukon Cornelius as her VP running mate.  Rudolph and Hermie would run the campaign on the platform of abominable snowman reform.  As much as I like her, I’m just sayin’.

Why is it that people who run for public office are immune to drug testing?  These people supposedly represent us and I think everyone knows that drug and alcohol use run rampant at every level of government.  With all of the laws being passed that subject state employees to drug testing, the politicians at every level of government should be included in those laws also.  If you’re going to run, you’re going to pee in a cup, it’s that simple.  That would probably shrink the candidate field well before the primary process does.

Auto manufacturers are installing backup cameras, seat belts, air bags and other things as standard safety equipment in vehicles.  If they and the government were really concerned about your safety on the roadways, why not start installing those things you have to blow into that check your blood alcohol content before allowing the car to start?  Right now those things are only installed in cars of those convicted of drunk driving (in some states).  Can you imagine how many lives would be saved each year if people who are too drunk to drive weren’t able to get behind the wheel?

Why is it that the most ignorant, out of touch people are usually at the top of corporate ladders and dictating policy?

Speaking of ladders, I have purposely walked under hundreds of ladders in my lifetime and I have yet to break any glass with a black cat.  Sure, when I was a kid my neighbor busted my brother and I throwing cats against our garage door, but the door was made of aluminum, not glass, and I don’t remember any of those cats being black.  The rumor about a cat’s tail coming off when you whirl them around your head to get maximum velocity on the throw is also false.

I don’t know which is more difficult – building a decent winning streak on ESPN’s Streak For The Cash fantasy sports game or paying attention to work every day so I don’t lose my job while trying to build a decent winning streak on ESPN’s Streak For The Cash fantasy sports game.

We haven’t found a cure for cancer yet because we haven’t found a cure for greedy pharmaceutical companies yet.

If the world is such a great place, why do we sometimes refer to great places as being “out of this world”?

If there were no trailer parks, would there be no tornadoes?  I always say, you can’t have a good tornado without a crappy trailer park.

One thing I don’t understand is why I keep getting stuck behind student drivers on my commute home almost every day.  Why do these morons have to be on the road during the busiest time of the day and when I’m trying to get somewhere?  Just the other day I was behind a driver ed car that had a sticker in the back window that said, “Please don’t tailgate”.  Hey, guess what?  If you’re going to drive ten miles per hour under the speed limit, I’m going to ride your bumper as close as I can to give you a hint about either getting out of my way or speeding up to at least the speed limit!

I spent eighteen years of my life being broke because I made sure I paid my child support payments.  Furthermore, I started my retirement savings late in life because of that.  This morning I read that Warren Sapp “is dead broke and lost his Super Bowl ring”.  He owes back child support and alimony payments in the hundreds of thousands of dollars to four women.  Here’s a guy who made millions of dollars every year during his NFL playing days while I was making ten bucks an hour doing crap work.  Something there just doesn’t make sense.  He does own 240 pairs of Jordan sneakers and sandals, though, as listed on his asset list.  What an idiot.

Are we surprised at the results of the Whitney Houston autopsy?  I’m not.  What I’m really surprised about is in the end, how much Whitney and Jim Morrison had in common in how they died.  Something there isn’t making sense, either.

My wife wants to get a tablet so she’s been researching them online.  After two weeks she’s decided on exactly which one she wants, and we’re going to get it at Best Buy because they supposedly carry them.  We were going to go out and buy it this afternoon.  My only stipulation was that she call the two Best Buy stores in our area to make sure they have them in stock before we waste our time driving there to find (as usual) they don’t have them in stock.  She went to their website a few minutes ago and their website is down until tomorrow.  Now we actually have to pull out a phone book and look up the store telephone numbers.  I need to take an online refresher course to re-learn how to use a damn phone book now.  How inconvenient is that?

Maybe it’s a midwestern thing, but when I grew up mooning was considered to be pretty cool.  It was definitely cooler than cow tipping.  During the past ten days or so I have discovered that many of my co-workers think mooning is gross and disgusting.  I learned this through an attempted mooning at a company offsite “meeting”.  What has happened to our world?  Maybe the guy from India who thought it wasn’t the right thing to do should try it sometime and see how it can free the soul?  Remember, Paul, mooning is fine and fun as long as you follow the rules.  Rule number one: Be respectful to others by following proper anal hygiene standards.

I’ll finish with a couple of sports views.

As much as I adore and love the Detroit Red Wings, I don’t think they’ll win the Stanley Cup this year.  They peaked too early and then had too many injuries, several of which aren’t fully healed yet.  Boston Bruins fans will find out that winning back-to-back Stanley Cups is extremely difficult, and the Bruins won’t win it this year, either.  It all comes down to the way teams match up against each other in every series.

If starting pitchers, Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder stay healthy this season, no one will be able to stop the Detroit Tigers.  Just ask Red Sox fans who have already started calling for Bobby V’s head.  I was sitting in the barber’s chair yesterday morning and they had a sports talk station on the radio.  The supposed “expert” show hosts and fans were already yelping about all the changes needed within the Boston organization after losing the opener to the Tigers last Thursday.  When Boston sports teams lose, Boston fans NEVER admit the other team was better.  It’s always something within the team’s organization.  After yesterday’s 10-0 killing, maybe it’s time for Boston Red Sox fans to realize the Tigers are a better team.  Everyone else will know that by the end of the season anyway, so here’s their chance to be the first to understand true greatness.  My only question is can the Tigers start off at 35-5 like they did in 1984?

Cheers and again, Happy April In The D!  Enjoy your Easter.  Sox fans, put a smile on your face – there are 160 games left in the season.  159 after you lose to the Tigers today.

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  1. On The Edge Of Greatness « Unknown Quantity

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