Playing Cards In The Middle East Sandbox

Crazy BastardI hope you’ve been following the events in Iran and the Strait of Hormuz these past few weeks.  In case you’ve been living under a rock or have been spending all of your free time Tebowing, here’s the deal – Iran is threatening to shut down the flow of oil through the Strait of Hormuz in the wake of another round of spats with the rest of the normal world.  Without this key point being open, oil from the Persian Gulf won’t be able to utilize its main transportation through fare to the rest of the world.  Choke, choke, cough, gak, caput.

That’s quite a bargaining chip and don’t think for a second the Obama administration believes there’s a possibility that Iran is bluffing.  Check out the prices at your local gas pump – they’re on the rise again and it’s not because Exxon is starving for profits.

Tensions between the United States and Iran escalated to yet another level recently after Iran accused Israel of being behind the killing of one of their nuclear scientists.  Even unidentified sources on the U.S. side have stated that it appears Israel had something to do with it.  If the United States has the guts to admit that Israel did something wrong, the world is either coming to an end or the accusation must be true, right?

Iran hasn’t been playing nicely with the other kids in the world’s sandbox for some time now.  Their nuclear aspirations are putting everyone’s panties in a bundle and the United States and the rest of the world community are trying their best to avoid war with these clowns.  The sanctions that have been imposed are beginning to show signs they are working and Iran’s economy is revealing cracks in its foundation.  Something’s going to have to give.  Iran says its nuclear ambitions are strictly for the peaceful production of power, satellite images and intelligence say they’re building a bomb to lob over to Israel, Israel says they’re going to take out Iran’s nuclear capabilities and the United States says the same thing we always say, “We’ll back Israel and besides, we need the oil, ya’ll.”

At the base of all of this rhetoric is once again the OIL card.  Remember when we’ve gone into the Middle East in the past 20 years to fight battles we shouldn’t be fighting?  Remember what that was all about?  Right – OIL.  Do you remember how our all-knowing politicians kept saying we had a dire need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil?  Remember how some idiot car manufacturers came out with these “hybrid” vehicles that were supposed to help us reduce that dependency?  Sorry America, we’re still completely dependent on foreign oil.  You can’t wean a baby off the nipple if it’s always a baby.  That’s why we have to care what happens in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan and all those other countries we shouldn’t give one crap about.

Do I care if a third grader in Iraq is getting a quality education?  NO.  I care if a third grader in the United States is getting a good education.  Do I give a crap if some twenty-something guy in Tehran is unemployed and can’t feed his family?  Nope.  I’m concerned that we have homeless people in the United States.  How about the quality of drinking water in Kenya?  I don’t care about Kenya!  In fact, I’m getting tired of them winning the damn Boston Marathon every year!

I’m getting Dawg tired of having to pay attention to the Middle East all the time.  I mean, it’s not even a decent vacation spot.  It’s dirty, filthy, blanketed in disease and it’s too close to Israel.  That part of the world has been at war since that part of the world came into being.  Who are we to change that?  Because we have oil rich allies there?  Because we care so much about Israel?  Because we guzzle oil like some old man in Russia guzzles potato vodka on his way to work in the fields every morning?

Build me a car that runs on electricity that can do 85 miles per hour.  Come on Ford, GM, and Chrysler.  Do you want your market share back?  Close your plants in Mexico and central America, build new plants in Michigan and the midwest, put the people of Detroit back to work and single-handedly make it so we as a country don’t have to care about the Middle East anymore!  The brains are there, the workforce is there, the spirit is there and the real NEED is there.  I know it is because I lived there most of my life.  To be able to see a Detroit auto worker stand up and say, “Hey – I helped America be great again!” would be something.  And I can tell you, each and every one of them would gladly be a part of that.

Off subject, it will be one fine day when Detroit re-rights itself and can flip its middle finger at the rest of the country and the rest of the world.  Just look at those Lions.  Soon, people, soon…

So anyway…I think you and your children will finally see us flick a switch and go to war with those crazy Iranian goofballs very soon.  Over the past two weeks we have increased our military presence in the Persian Gulf.  Yep – we have warships in place, fresh brigades have been moved over there, and we’re increasing the number of troops in Kuwait.  We are beefing up numbers at most of our installations in the area.  And if you think that’s just a normal exercise, remember what’s going on at home right now.

It’s an election year.

That oil card is Obama’s wild card.  He’s keeping a steady eye on those primary numbers.  You can bet that with this whole Iran thing going on, his advisors have already told him exactly what he needs to do and when he needs to do it if he gets into trouble in the polls.  Wars can do great things over very bad things for a president (Bush is not a hater, he’s just stupid).  But as we all know, when the game is all about our insatiable need for oil, the military is always the ace up a president’s sleeve.

Note of Irony from KDawg – A heartfelt Welcome Home to all those who recently served our country in Iraq.  I appreciate your sacrifice not just for the betterment of our country but for the entire world also.  Thank you all!

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  • Cheli, The World’s Greatest Dawg

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