Black Friday – What A CROCK

Kim and I stayed home for Thanksgiving this year.  It was great!  For a change we got to get out of bed when we felt like it and we took our time getting ready for the Lions game.  No getting up early, no having to drive forever to a destination we didn’t want to go to in the first place, no having to cook lousy food.  It was truly a day off for us for the first time in years!

We’re Detroit Lions fans so as usual we watched them lose to Green Bay.  When we lived in the Detroit area we used to go to the Thanksgiving games at the Silverdome, and we got to see Barry Sanders run wild.  Now we watch the Lions from far away and losing the game still feels the same.

After the game we settled into our Thanksgiving feast – I grilled hamburgers on the grill and we threw some tater tots into the oven.  We had planned on having ribs using Kim’s awesome recipe, but all the grocery stores in our area cleared out their ribs in the meat section in favor of that lame meat called turkey.  I hate turkey – always have, always will.  I found it amazing that all four grocery stores in our area showed the same discrimination against baby back ribs at Thanksgiving time.  Lame as hell.

After dinner we retired to our new living room in our newly remodelled basement.  We kicked back and launched into The Blair Witch Project on DVD followed by some healthy television viewing on TVLand.  We watched Thanksgiving episode after Thanksgiving episode of Roseanne.  From 7:30pm to midnight we were bombarded with Black Friday advertising during every commercial break from Roseanne.  Kohls, Kmart, Ace Hardware, Sears and more took their opportunity to show us all of their “doorbuster prices” on all kinds of crap we’d never buy anybody for Christmas.

Stores were opening at midnight, 4am, 5am or whenever on Black Friday.  Every commercial break every twelve minutes of wonderful television programming taught us why we needed to get our asses out of bed at an ungodly hour to go buy stuff that would make someone’s Christmas dreams come true all at unbelievable savings.  Wow.  Oh boy.

By the time 10pm came around I had made my mind up.  No, I hadn’t decided what store I was going to on Black Friday and when.  I hadn’t decided that I was going to get that Barbie doll for my niece at 50% off from Kmart.  No, I hadn’t decided that this was going to be the greatest Christmas shopping season ever.

I decided that I was so sick of seeing Black Friday ads that I wasn’t going to go shopping at ALL.  Nope – no doorbuster prices for me, no helping business still make huge profits on what they want us to think are great discounts.  I saw so many commercials in such a short period of time that these stores achieved the opposite effect on me.

November 26th, Thanksgiving, and I’m already sick of the Christmas season.  Thank you Kohl’s.  Thank you, Kmart, thank you, Sears.  Thanks to all of you for once again showing me the soft underbelly of the commerciality of Christmas.

Know what Kim and I are doing today, Black Friday?  We’re heading to the RMV to renew Kim’s drivers license.  We’re going to go spend about fifty bucks so Kim can have the priviledge of driving in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts for another ten years.  All sarcasm aside, that may be the best Christmas gift anyone could ever receive, and the state doesn’t even offer any Black Friday discounts.  Just pay your money and drive.

Ok, there was some sarcasm there.

There are always three things you can count on on Thanksgiving – the Lions losing in embarrassing fashion on national TV, the Connor family Thanksgiving ending up in a huge argument, and store advertising cementing the fact that Christmas is really all about commercialism and the capitalistic dollar.

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