Save Christmas – Spend MONEY

commercializationofchristmasOh crap, hang on to your hat, here it comes.  Like a freight train rambling through your mind with reckless abandon, like a bad circus that’s come to town, like Arnold Schwarzenegger wielding eighteen AK-47’s and having a bad reaction to anti-depressant medication, it’s the HOLIDAY SEASON

Oh, the kids will be so excited.  Each of them will have their own expectations of their dreams coming true with the chance to nab that gift they’ve wanted for so long.  The people of the church will preach peace and pray for wars to end.  Even the kids of South Park might find some sort of peace during this season.

On the flip side businesses will be doing everything they can to have an upswing in business so they can simply stay in business.  They will whore themselves out for your holiday dollars, doing anything they can to get you in their door and buy a bunch of crap no one needs.  This year they’ve already come up with a new old strategy – they’re going back to the more traditional holiday approach of supposedly using the word “Christmas” in their ad campaigns.  No more sales of upside down Christmas trees – nope, they’re going back to the old ways of the old days.

Really.

In fact, I’ve already noticed in seasonal advertising from Walmart, Kmart and Home Depot the use of the word “Christmas” as dylanopposed to “Holiday Season”.  It’s been so long since I’ve seen that word in holiday advertising that it actually seems strange.  Let’s face it, this isn’t the season to be jolly, this is the season to be politically correct!  For the past several years marketing people have been forced to struggle and come up with ad campaigns that don’t single out any particular group of people because, as we all know, that leaves people out and causes Americans to get their underwear all bundled up.  We can’t have that now, can we?

There are billions of people around this world who suffer from heightened depression this time of year.  It doesn’t matter which religion (if any) you follow.  The reasons for the added despair range anywhere from the realization that the holiday season is a materialistic sham to the fact that world peace will never happen, so observing someone’s birthday in the name of peace is a complete waste of time.

Oh, KDawg, is it really that bleak, or is this you just being a realist again?

To me the holiday season represents the time where all the political correctness that hides under the sheath of the other three-quarters of the year comes out to make itself visible again.  Yes, once a year we are reminded that the Jews are offended when you wish them a Merry Christmas.  We’re even forced to show consideration for those who celebrate Kwanzaa and yes, even those clowns that sacrifice sheep and baby rabbits in the name of their whatever God get their moment to shine.  This is America, after all.

In 1995 I worked for three Jewish optometrists that shared ownership in a practice.  I was the guy that did all the billing, so I saw each and every patient before they left after paying Jewishly inflated fees just to be able to see.  Being a normal guy, I always said goodbye to people in some fashion as I accepted their payment.  What do you think I said to them during the holiday season?  That doesn’t matter.  What matters is I had no choice in what I was able to say.  I received explicit instructions from the owners that stated I was to only say “Happy Holidays” if I said anything at all.

No Merry Christmas, no Happy Kwanzaa, no Happy Kill the Sheep and Rabbits Day.  Why?  Because most of the patients were Jewish jewsand I was not to take any chances by saying something related to Christmas that would piss them off.  There’s nothing more scary than a pissed off Jew, I’ll tell you.  I’ve seen them before – smoke comes out of their nostrils and they grow horns much like the ones the Devil has.  It’s not pretty and it can make the very foundation of our country crumble beneath our feet.

So while I was busy pushing (selling) things to the patients they didn’t need for the sake of the owner’s Jewish bank accounts, I had an implicit “Happy Holidays” greeting for each and every one of them.  I’d bet if I were to wish anyone a Merry Christmas those Jew doctors would have nailed me up to a cross and have me drag it through the streets of Birmingham, Michigan, where the practice was located.  I mean, we had a staff meeting right around Thanksgiving and that was the main topic – how to wish people the joys of the season in a Jewishly acceptable way.

Damn Jews.  I’ve never liked them and I never will.  Those three doctors used to remind me all the time that they were the “chosen ones”.  Yeah, ok, whatever.  Choose this:

BITE ME.

The people that complain about nativity scenes in front of government buildings should find something better to do with all that extra time on their hands.  They should be doing something constructive with that time, like making giant balls of twine or something.  If you’ve got enough time to spend on bitching about something so trivial, you should go to work for a couple of Jews.  Every damn year it’s the same old crap, people complaining about someone else showing off their holiday joy with their chosen ritual.  It’s so predictable it’s sickening.

Our Pledge of Allegiance says “One nation under God”.  To me that means whatever God you want to pray to because this is America, where you can freely practice your religion…except if your name is David Koresh and you piss off the FBI.  So if your local town government wants to put up a nativity scene and you don’t like it, don’t start bitching about how your rights are being violated – get your ass out there and vote that government out of office.  Maybe the people who replace them as a result of the next election will do right by you and construct a statue of Allah, Buddha, a dead rabbit or whatever you’re into in front of that building.  But, maybe they won’t, and you’ll just have to accept the fact that you’re disenchanted and alienated just like most other people who live here.

What makes you so special anyway?

I don’t follow any particular religion.  I believe only in the concepts of Karma.  I don’t know or care where my “soul” will end up after my physical body decays away to dust after I breathe my last breath.  All I know is that I try to do right by people and if I do, people will do right by me.  It’s probably a naïve thought, I know, but sometimes I just have to put my faith in people as much as I generally dislike them.  If someone greets me when I walk into a store by saying “Merry Christmas” I don’t get upset.  I’d feel the same way if someone laid a “Happy Chanukah” on me.  It’s just someone attempting to be nice as I walk into their store to exercise the commercial aspect of the season.

lucyThe holiday season isn’t about religious beliefs anyway.  As Lucy reminds us every year on A Charlie Brown Christmas, “Christmas is a big commercial racket”.  It’s what I like to refer to as “reality”.  Those who take it a step further and always worry about whether their rights are being stomped on are outside of the realm of reality.  They need to be reeled in before they’re allowed to breed.  Your thoughts and wishes don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

What matters is if business can rake in enough cash during the ever-expanding holiday shopping season to stay afloat.  Back to the linussubject of that wacky Peanuts gang… Remember when there was about a month and a half between the time Linus sat in that pumpkin patch waiting misguidedly for the Great Pumpkin to appear and letting Charlie Brown know what Christmas is really all about?  Now that time span is down to about three weeks.  Why?  Because Lucy was right.  Who knew she was such a prophet – Christmas (and whatever it is you celebrate during the holiday season) IS nothing but a big commercial racket.

I’m not so sure it’s run by a big eastern syndicate like she said, but she sure was right.  Besides, the syndicate doesn’t care what your religion is, who puts up what display and where or who gets certain days off work or school to celebrate their thing.  All they care about is how much money they get from Walmart, Kmart, and Home Depot.

On second thought, it MUST be run by the syndicate.  Now it all makes perfect sense.

treeSo Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Chanukah, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day, Happy Ramadan, Happy Jamhuri Day, Happy Guadeloupe Day, Happy Santa Lucia Day, Happy Bodhi (aka Rohatsu), and Happy Everything Else Day.  Nobody cares what you celebrate, just get out there and spend your money and keep our economy in recovery mode.

And please stop killing the sheep and rabbits.

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