There Is A God – JACKO IS DEAD!!

He was the clowned Prince of Schlop, the self-proclaimed King of Slop, and now, circuses around the globe are flying their flags at half staff in honor of the passing of the world’s most famous clown, Michael Jackson.

What comes around goes around, and God has taken his last stand as MJ was about to embark on a comeback tour. God decided he had better step in and save the potentially hundreds, maybe thousands of young boys that would be destined to be molested at backstage parties and weekend hotel sleepovers during Jackson’s upcoming concert tour.

While little girls all over the globe (who weren’t even alive yet when Jackson produced his first solo hit single) wept in disbelief and shock, those of us in touch with the real world celebrated the glorious announcement of his death. For me it was extra special – he croaked on my birthday. Other than the well wishes from my wife, this was indeed a present that will be hard to outdo in years to come.

Michael Jackson was one of the world’s most overrated entertainment figures. If you look carefully at what he accomplished musically, you will see he was a one-note phenom who didn’t even play an instrument. The guy lost one of his gloves early on in his career and never had the smarts to replace it. You have to give him credit, though, for somehow finding a way to make crotch grabbing a national sensation and a permanent part of our American culture. Wow, that’s truly inspirational.

If you dig into his life outside of music you can’t help but notice he was a freak. Since his popularity declined in the mid 90’s after being accused of molesting half the boys under 10 in the western hemisphere, his face slowly morphed into that of a circus clown. He claimed he had a disease affecting the pigmentation in his skin. The reality was he wanted to make himself look as white as possible for his gal-pal Elizabeth Taylor. The surgeons who performed the plastic surgery on his face should have been shot in their own collective faces for practicing such failed techniques on the idiot. Problem was, nobody in Michael’s circle thought he looked funny.

I look funny how? Like a clown? I look funny like a clown?

The news media loves this stuff. Barbara Walters loves this stuff. It’s great news content. But so was the last trial where he was acquitted of molesting a little boy. When the news media gave up the coverage of that and went home, MJ and his cronies paid the boy and his mother hush money so they could preserve Michael’s career and image. It was too late – all we were left with was a child molesting circus clown that suffered from depression and withdrawal – career OVER! No wonder so many people on this planet have an intense fear of clowns.

I for one am simply ecstatic over the death of this imbecile. I feel a new, fresh perspective in my life. I am drawn toward the sun and I bask in its warmth, knowing that God or some power of reason has put this clown down once and for all. My newly found mood of happiness even allows me at this time to forgive people like Paul McCartney and Eddie Van Halen for ever working with that no-good child-molesting jerkoff.

In one final gesture of mourning may I suggest that the federal government go to California and take a flame thrower to the Neverland Ranch? Burn that crapshack to the ground to help erase any concrete footprint that clown-ass left behind.

Oh – Tito? Latoya? Marlin? All you other Jacksons? I don’t want to see you taking advantage of your clown brother’s death. No books, no guest spots on TV shows, no nothing. Ya’ll can just fade away…

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