My Economic Stimulus Plan

Our new president wants to throw more money into the pool of cash that we taxpayers will spend the rest of our lives paying off. 937 BILLION dollars to be spent on top of the 700 BILLION dollars already allocated. He wants to use part of that money to develop tons of $10 an hour jobs that will be used to rebuild our roads and bridges. I have to tell you, that kind of creative thinking just sends my heart aflutter! Is this the standard Democrat tactic of Tax & Spend? Nah, it’s just the opposite – it’s Spend & Tax! 

Something happened to me today, something just a little short of a religious epiphany. I can’t really have one of those because we all know that religion isn’t about epiphanies, it’s about MONEY. Regardless, I had a thought that seemed so right and so clear that I just had to write it down. Let’s take a look at some statistics brought to you by our friends at the

U.S. Bureau of the Census!

First, I think most people think this bureau is actually called the “U.S. Census Bureau” or even the “U.S. Senseless Bureau”. WRONG. At some point in time the United States government saw fit to spend who knows how much cash to officially change the department’s name. Thank GOD for that. And here I almost took that left turn at Albuquerque! DOH!
Second, the U.S. Bureau of the Census estimates there are 111,162,259 households in this country. That sounds like a lot of households, right? That number is expected to reach 114.8 million by the year 2010. Wow, it’s so cool to be able to back things up with facts.
Anyway, here is the thought I had earlier today. When I explain this, think of yourself as one of those people that lives in a household. If you’ve been unemployed for so long that your living room now consists of an old refrigerator box under a freeway overpass, then this may be a stretch for you, but emotionally stimulating nonetheless.
You live in your household. Let’s say that, just like most Americans living in a household, you have some debt. Maybe it’s credit card debt, or a car payment, or a mortgage payment. Maybe you were a complete idiot and bet most of your life savings on the Patriots winning the Super Bowl last year and having a perfect season and you owe your bookie everything you’ll never have. Everyone’s got some debt because you can’t be an American unless you’re in debt to at least one bank. Well, unless you’ve recently skipped across the border illegally, can’t speak English, and have landed one of those cushy jobs at the underground t-shirt factory.
Anyway, would $35,000 pique your interest? Would $35,000 help you pay down your debt, maybe even buy a new car, maybe a new flat screen TV, or both? If you used some of that money to get rid of your debt and had some left over, could you spend that money and infuse it back into the economy? Now take that thought and multiply it by 111,162,259 households in the United States. Think of all that money being spent, paying off debt, buying things, helping our economy. How about some people actually using some of that money to be retrained or educated in new career fields? just think about what that money would mean to you if the government sent you that check and all you had to do was sign and deposit it.
Last year my wife and I received an economic stimulus check for $1000. Someone hold me back, I’m gonna PUKE. $1000? What I am supposed to do with that? Oh, of course – I can go grocery shopping TWO TIMES.
Okay now, here’s the kicker. Hang onto your hat because here comes the real beauty of the thought I had today. Let’s refresh:
Obama wants to spend 937 BILLION dollars to “stimulate” our economy.
My plan would pay $35,000 to each household at 111,162,259 households (okay, give or take five or ten households).
Let’s whip out the calculator and do some math, shall we? Let’s see…$35,000 times, um, 111,162,259, carry the four, dot that i, right justify the total and POOF!
That comes out to 389 billion dollars. Let’s do a little more math, and I HATE doing math.
Obama’s 937 BILLION dollars minus my 389 billion dollars and I would save the country, the taxpayers, you and I, our children and their children, and their children’s children…548 BILLION DOLLARS.
This is a fine example as to why I don’t vote in presidential elections. Someone can have great ideas, someone can know how to get the house and the senate to work together and really get things done, but if they can’t raise 100 million dollars to campaign, then they will never get elected. If you think about how many bad presidents we’ve had over the years, what is the number of potentially GREAT presidents we could have had, but they didn’t have the means of raising the money, or they made one little mistake in their past like shoplifting condoms from a 7-Eleven or maybe they INHALED.

I don’t have a law degree. I don’t have an economics degree. Hell, I don’t even have a DEGREE. But I can come up with crap like this and our president just wants to print more money and throw it against the wall and see if it sticks? The only things I know that will stick to a wall when thrown at it are spaghetti and DOG SHIT. Hmmm…I’ve heard Obama isn’t a big fan of spaghetti…


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